Hi! My name is Alicia or ‘Alley’ Here’s me:
PART 1: NOT KNOWING PURPOSE
I grew up a really shy kid in Los Angeles, California with two parents and a sister who loved the Lord. But because of my shyness in my grade school years (And no one would believe me that I was shy!) My recess times were spent alone, being bullied, rejected, and at times not having a single friend. I slowly developed an insecurity from all these rejections and from later relationships in life. As a result, I encased myself in a comfy bubble of cultural christianity within the church. I was doing all the ‘Christian stuff’, but I didn’t have an active and living relationship with Jesus. I was living an easy life, but not a redeemed one.
Growing up, culture taught me that finding Prince Charming and getting married would solve all of my problems and make me whole. I had grown up with a view of life that was often taught by Disney films and Romantic Comedies.
Growing up I assumed life would follow a certain pattern;
Go to school (have friends), go to college, get a degree, find a job, get married to Prince Charming and have children (no problem at all). The End was: Live Happily Ever After.
My life turned out more like this: Have no friends in grade school, get bullied, go to college to earn a teaching degree, find out there were no teaching jobs, move to England, get married quickly, move to Sweden, suffer 3 miscarriages, get divorced and live alone for the first time in my life. And after living abroad for 8 years, move back home to California. I had left for England with two suitcases in my hand and I was returning home after 8 years (living in England and Sweden), with the same. Talk about feeling like a failure.
PART 2: A NEW STORY BRINGS PURPOSE THROUGH CHRIST
My life did not turn out how I planned. I didn’t really find Jesus until all that was left was Jesus. Almost two years ago, I found myself fallen on the floor crying out to God, when my marriage ended and crying out to God for the three babies I would never be able to hold in my arms. Barely able to get up from a place of absolute brokenness, I thought my life had ended as well. It was there in that moment that I heard God say to me, ‘The Cross is enough, I gave you The Cross because I knew you couldn’t do it in your own strength’. And in that moment, I realized what true surrender was because the only thing I had to surrender to was Christ.
The only thing I knew for sure, was that God loved me. In the midst of my absolute brokenness, in my darkest place I could hear God say, ‘I have a plan and purpose for your life’. The turning point was when I realized what true repentance was: giving God all my broken pieces, seeking forgiveness, receiving grace from the cross and allowing Him to re-write a new story according to His plan.
Shortly after Jesus found me, God put a strong desire on my heart to help encourage other women to find their purpose and wholeness through the cross. My heart was crying, ‘You’re not broken, you are whole in Christ alone’. A calling from the Lord led me to write an article about my divorce. I was being led and freed from a place of grace through the cross, not the self-guilt I had lived in for so long. My hope and prayer, is that through finding our wholeness in Christ, that we can live our calling in courage and hope. We are never broken beyond redemption and we are never counted lossed, if we are counted through the cross.
If you are or have been in a place of struggle or lack of faith, I want you to know that I understand. I know what it feels like to be broken, to lose your dreams, to be friendless, to feel rejected and alone, to feel judged and less-than.
BUT I ALSO KNOW I HAVE HOPE….. AND SO DO YOU